To Russel Crowe’s chagrin, Ridley Scott has dropped him from the remake of the Gladiator film because he’s found someone tougher to play the lead role.

“Russ has big muscles and a strong jaw” the English director went on to say, “but Maud Muir has the exceptional power and strength of a true Gladiator. We must sign her up immediately!”

Rugby star Muir was unavailable to comment on her possible film debut as she was busy pulverising some forwards.

The 20 year old has been coaching multiple girls teams at Maidenhead RFC and inspiring all the clapped-out parents who come to spectate.

If like me, you’re no kind of gladiator, then stay off the pitch!

Instead you can just contact me for a bespoke rugby print of a pro player like Muir, or a less well-known one in your family – and enjoy it from the safety and comfort of your sofa.

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